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Thursday, February 09, 2012

the swatch police

Hours have been spent in comittees. Detailed studies have been done. Statistics have been compiled. Strategies have been mapped out. Thousands of dollars have been spent. Stop the presses. This may change health care as we know it. It seems PATIENTS WILL BE HAPPIER AND HEALTH CARE OUTCOMES WILL IMPROVE IF NURSES ALL WEAR THE SAME COLOR.

Yes people, this is key to patient satisfaction and improved hospital performance. Apparently it doesn't matter what color, just that all nurses wear the SAME color. Patients will be able to identify you as a nurse because you are all wearing the same color! Apparently there has been a lot of confusion among patients in hospitals about who in the hell is their nurse. This is gonna clear all of that up people.

Okay, so then I can expect once that magic date arrives and all of the nurses are suited up, patients will be happy, nice, respectful. No one will call me a f--king bitch anymore right? Right?

NOTE TO NURSING STAFF FROM MANAGEMENT: You must comply with the exact shade that we have chosen. Any "off" shade of that color will be considered a "violation of the uniform code" and you will be disciplined up to, and including, firing. Yes, for the first week, we will have members of management working undercover, swatch in hand, making sure all shades match. A sort of swatch police, if you will.

Thank God homeless drunk Dave, Crack head Carol, violent pscyh Patti and demented Dora, who probably were very confused about who their nurse is, will easily be able to identify them. Another advance for medicine.

NOTE TO SELF: Make an appt to get a neon green mohawk for first day of new uniform policy.

14 comments:

Braden said...

Reason #593 that I'm glad I left the ER and moved to the call center: today I wore jeans and a sports jersey to work. And nobody threw up on me.

Anonymous said...

So, what color is it? You know, I still wear my nurse's cap and no-one ever gets me confused with doctors, techs or ancillary personnel. I'm not proposing that as a solution - just saying. -whitecap nurse

Anonymous said...

The 6 hospitals making up my region are all going to the same color scheme. And the uniforms must be Cherokee brand only, And can only be bought at one place they chose, as they're only giving the new logo that must be embroidered on all uniform pieces to this one company. At least they're paying for 2 sets of scrubs for all FT staff (1 set for PT staff).

girlvet said...

Braden

Just curious what do you do at the call center? Are you a triage nurse?

krystina said...

Wait, do you work at my hospitla?!? I want to know who's Monday paid for that stupid surgery. I guess it's not enough that the confused patients have a hard time telling all of us small nurses a part ("you small kids look so much alike!!") but now we can't even say "no your nurse is wearing flowers" because we'll all be wearing navy. Navy! Not even a bright royal blue! Navy!

krystina said...

Wow. It's been a long day and auto correct stinks usually. It's who's getting paid, not Monday and it's a survey, not surgery.

Anonymous said...

In our hospital RNs wear blue, techs wear burgundy, and LPNs wear green...and the patients are still hateful and claim not to know who their nurse is. Your hospital must have bought in to the Studer Group brainwashing program like mine did.

rnraquel said...

Yep...Studer group here too. I have found that navy scrubs fade and look old very quickly :(

throwawaynurse said...

Well, "my" hospital tried that too, several years ago. The only problem is that management forgot to tell the other departments. Next, housekeeping changed their uniforms- to the exact same color and design as nursing! No problem though, right? There's no difference between a RN and a housekeeper anyway.

Nurse K said...

Swatch police? You're sh*tting me, right?

Anonymous said...

You really should go get that green mohawk. When a place I worked suddenly instituted a dress code (made no sense, since we had zero contact with the public) I dyed my hair electric blue, since there were no rules about hair.

hoodnurse said...

Uniforms be damned! All the patients where I work all know that anyone with a penis is a doctor, and anyone with a vagina is a nurse. Duh!

Anonymous said...

Funny. We are going through the same thing. Our union fought for this in the last contract. No need to check the swatch though, we'll be wearing white. yes, white. Well, at least for the first few shifts. After that we'll be wearing patterned stains.

Scrubs said...

I suppose single colored or monotone colored scrubs will make it easier for nurses to pick out an outfit in the morning!