Friday, March 23, 2012

don't bug me

Why do people come to the ER for bedbugs? THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU. I am sorry you have bedbugs. Its an awful thing that no one wants. However, your bites can be treated by going to the drugstore. If you want to relieve the symptoms of your bites go to the drugstore and ask the pharmacist for some anti itch medication.

We don't want you to bring bedbugs to the emergency room. Then we will have bedbugs. We don't want bedbugs just like you don't want bedbugs. I can think of at least two occasions when we have had a bedbug skitter across the triage desk. GROSS. Not only have you brought us an unwanted vermin but now I am going to be scratching myself all day just because of the idea that a bedbug is living in triage.

When you come to the hospital with bedbugs we have to follow a special procedure. The room has to be specially cleaned now. Housekeeping does it. You know how slow housekeeping is. That room is closed until it is done. So grandma can't get into the ER. That's her sitting in the lobby waiting until your room has been cleaned.

SO PLEASE DON'T COME. Oh and while I'm at it, don't come for lice, scabies or "spider bites" either. Unless your rash is infected, go to a drugstore or call your own doctor. Thank you on behalf of ERs everywhere...


Dan said...

How 'bout mosquito bites? What if they itch REALLY bad? You have magic medicine there in the ED, right?

Anonymous said...

Yeah we have dilaudid. Isn't that what everyone wants when they come to the ER with a paper cut, stomachache, toothache etc., etc., etc.???????