Thursday, September 27, 2012

send in the clowns


Attention all citizens:

The following are not emergencies:

1) bug bites - unless it have swollen to the size of a baseball

2) the fact that you cannot control your teenage daughter or son

3) you are fatigued or can't sleep

4) you want your son, daughter, brother, sister, etc. to get chemical dependency treatment

5) the condom broke

6) you are hungover

7) G tube not working

8) the cut is less than 1"

9) any kind of medication refill

10) menstrual cramps

Thank you,

your neighborhood ER


Anonymous said...

Are you sure about the cut one?? My kids have needed stitches for lacs smaller than 1"...

Ivan Ilyich said...

Can't urgent care doctors do sutures?

Anonymous said...

Dear Anon,

No, your kids have gotten stitches for small cuts but tiny lacs will heal just fine on their own with a butterfly band-aid.

Anonymous said...

My parents never brought me to the ED and I brought my kids only when they had broken bones. (A neighbor called an ambulance when one of my girls fell out of a tree house, but that is another story.)Everything else is why they have pediatricians. After holding pressure (and the child) I butterflied everything - no stitches for them - and they have no scars. Now, people bring in every cut an scrape and want a plastic surgeon to fix it. Sorry, folks, but it is not necessary. Oh, and by the way, I have two girls. Tricia

Mal said...

Some cuts under 1" won't hold shut with butterfly bandages. It depends on where it's located, and how the skin stretches.

I've had a cut less than 2cm long on the top of my foot refuse to stay closed, and eventually had to have it stiched. Doesn't need the ER for that though, a nurse practioner at a minor injuries clinic does fine.

Bug bites - depends on alergies/ venomous spider issues. If it's a fiddleback, for example, ER ASAP.

Otherwise, yeah. The triage nurse should have the option of telling people to piss off.

Anonymous said...

The g-tube not working can need urgent treatment. If it is an infant or child with no other safe way to get hydration or needed medication, it is urgent. If it is actually out, it needs to be replaced before the hole begins to close.
If it is for supplemental use only and the person can swallow, then it can wait.