You don't realize it. Your family doesn't get it. The doctor and I know you are not going to live past the next couple of days.
All you know is that you are having pain. Your family is in a state of shock. The things they say, the questions they ask, tell us they don't understand the seriousness of it. The doctor ackwardly tried to explain to you and them that things most probably will get worse soon and decisions will have to be made that no one wants to make. He asks if you have talked about how much you want down regarding resuscitation, intubation. You and your spouse are old, but like most people you haven't discussed it.
When the doctor leaves, I tell you that you are in very serious condition. Nurses do that. We feel we need to bring reality in, so you can prepare, even if it is hard. We are the translators for what is going on. I ask about children and tell your spouse that the needs to call your, tell him what is going on.
Its hard to understand when you are so stable, still understanding some, talking. Its hard for you to see what is coming.
You go up to ICU, your pain is getting worse. When you get to ICU things are starting to deteriorate and the doctor is called and you will have immediate surgery. You will probably make it through it, but because of other medical problems you have, you won't make it much longer. I think about what your family will go through. You are the kind of person I am thinking about a couple of days later.
You are the person who reminds me life turns on a dime.