the tale of the evil nurse gnome

Somewhere in the hidden recesses of any hospital, in a dark, dank cubby next to the boiler room, sits an evil PHD nurse gnome, rarely seen, with lots of time on their hands. She appears periodically to drop pearls of wisdom into the unknowing laps of the bedside nurse peon. These gnomes have a magical ability to cast a spell over anyone above the level of staff nurse in the food chain. They call a meeting of "the nursing management", enter the room with a flourish with charts and graphs and data and statistics, so loaded down with research that it scares the shit out of everyone in the room. Being dazed with fear and under the spell cast by the gnome, they can only mumble "oh yes", nodding their head so rapidly that they have a sore neck the next day. The gnome dazzles, gesturing wildly, spinning tales of happy nurses, happy patients, happy satisfaction surveys, enchanting all who listen. She paints a picture of peace of earth, good will toward men, brotherhood, a veritable garden of eden if only her scathingly brilliant idea can be implemented. She is a powerful sorceress and "the nursing management", readily agrees to go immediately forward to convince the ignorant masses (read nurses) that this idea is heaven sent.

On the occasion of the monthly staff meeting, the nurse manager appears, somewhat dazed, twinkling, eyes bulging, pacing back and forth at the front of the room, suddenly shouting, "cast your attention this way all ye who enter here, for I have a tale to tell that will astound you and inspire you....". A wave of fear crosses the room...alas the nurse masses recognize the signs....an edict is about to come from on high that will add yet another burden to their already heavy lot....the managers voice booms forth the new and heavenly idea: "We, the esteemed leaders of this institution have come forth once again with a spectacular, brilliant, genius of an idea...and it shall be called HOURLY ROUNDING. Yes hourly rounding my brethren. At the beginning of the patient visit ye shall enter the room, introduce thyself, put thy name on the board with the magical magic marker, inform the patient that you will be back hourly to check on their myriad of needs: pain, potty, hydration, warmth, updates, perhaps you can do their taxes in your spare time...then as you exit the room, I want you to initial a document a scroll (paper) attached outside each room...a tracking device as it were which shall be collected each day - analyzed, sorted, recorded, stored...well you get the idea....and woe to those whose initials do not appear.." "Now many of you may be wondering why we would institute such an idea in an emergency room where we run in and out of the room every five minutes it seems....ah....well...because...well just because...just do it you fools! Now go forth, spread joy and happiness throughout ER land...."

As the nurses filed out, shoulders sagging, one nurse drew up to her full height of 5'3" and stated boldly: "Forget this shit, I ain't doin' it and strode away..."