triage pet peeves

I got a lot of pet peeves in triage. The biggest one is that people keep showing up at the window. Bada bing. Here are my top ten pet peeves in triage:

1) I am finding out what is wrong with someone at the window. You are waving your arms to get my attention. YOU ARE A RUDE PIECE OF CRAP.

2) I wish I had a dime for every time a relative/friend asks if they go out the triage door, will we let them back in? I seriously doubt it. ONCE YOU LEAVE, YOU ARE NEVER COMING BACK IN...

3) You come and ask to see Franco. No last name. Just Franco. Or the other scenario, you can't spell their last name. I am supposed to find them in the hospital for you. NOT.

4) You come up to the window and ask for so and so. They are not in the ER. They are not in the hospital. You argue with me to the point of getting pissed off that I can't find them. Here's the thing: WE ARE HIDING THEM. YOU CAN'T EVER SEE THEM.

5) I am in the triage bay. You can see me triaging somebody. You yell: "HELLO HELLO!! or know on the window. GRRRRRRRR..

6) You are here to be seen, you have brought your six kids under six with you at 9 pm. There is no one else with you. JUST KILL ME NOW.

7) You are:
- a doctor
- a doctors nurse
- a doctors receptionist
- a home health nurse
- a nursing home
- etc etc etc

You call to give a courtesy "heads up" about a patient coming in. DON'T CARE. WASTING MY TIME.

8) You want me to make a decision about whether you should be seen. I WILL ALWAYS ADVISE NOOOOOOO.

9) You:
-kneel dramatically at the window
-hang your head through the window
-talk so softly I can't hear you

DRAMA = YOU PROBABLY DON"T REALLY NEED TO BE SEEN.

10) Ask if we have an urgent care. WHAT DOES THE SIGN OUTSIDE SAY? DOES IT SAY URGENT CARE?! YOU SEE, WE DO HAVE A VERY TINY URGENT CARE THAT IS STAFFED BY ELVES AND FAIRIES THAT WE LIKE TO KEEP A SECRET.....