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Sometimes the ER smells like a pig pen. Literally. Shit is running off of carts and on to the floor.Speaking of poop, why does anyone ever come into the ER with constipation? ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS OF THE US:
*****CONSTIPATION IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. I REPEAT. CONSTIPATION IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. THAT IS ALL. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.*****
If you come into the ER with constipation, you will be viewed as the frickin' idiot that you are. I don't care if you are 102, the fact that you haven't had a bowel movement in 3 days is not an emergency. While we're at it, why is it that old people are obsessed with having bowel movements? Its like if they don't have a daily poop, its a crisis...
By the way, I don't believe you when you say you haven't crapped in 2 weeks. Don't believe you. Sorry. You wouldn't be able to eat, drink. Go home.
Attention all ER docs: IF YOU ORDER AN ENEMA, ESPESCIALLY A TAP WATER ENEMA, YOU WILL BECOME A HATED FIGURE. THAT IS ALL. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
When I see a constipation coming my way, I run for the med room, staff lounge, bathroom, pop machine, develop a sudden interest in my patients personal life.
My daughter went 22 days without a bowel movement. Spent a lot if quality time in the phone with the pediatrician's nurse. But even in a neonate after 3 weeks, still wasn't an emergency (and no, we never went to the ER)
ReplyDeleteLittle Old Lady: I called the ambulance because I haven't had a bowel movement today.
ReplyDeleteMe: Did you have one yesterday?
LOL: Yes.
Me: Was it normal? Did you have diarrhea? Or was it difficult to go?
LOL: No, it was normal and not difficult at all.
Me: Then why are you here?
LOL: Because the carpet cleaner guy came early and interrupted my normal daily routine. Now it's 4 pm and I haven't gone. So I called the ambulance.
Me (silently) Are you f'n kidding me?
Me to Doc: If you order an enema for that dumb broad, I'm going to shove it up your ass.
Just saying.
This is my biggest pet peeve of the ER. Freaking constipation.
ReplyDeleteSoap suds enemas have no place in the ER. None. Nada.
Now it's one thing to come in with abdominal pain and then find out you're constipated. But as a chief complaint? Oh, hell no!
Oh contraire! Triple H's enemas could be the best deterrent. Better than a tidy little fleet.
ReplyDeleteTell em' to drink a gallon of olive oil! haha, So funny!!!! Can you tell I'm enjoying your blog immensely?
ReplyDeleteSorry as you're so incorrect about the not having a bowel movement in 2 weeks because honestly I've went as far as not having a bowel movement for 26 days! No I had an appetite and no nausea. My constipation was caused by the prescription painkillers my Dr prescribed me. So just listen to me when I say that you aren't always right.
ReplyDelete