memo to drug seekers

Dear drug seekers:

The following are drug seeker presentations that we see on a daily basis. In other words, don't bother...you need to be a lot more original.

1) "I lost/they were stolen/I forgot..". You lost your prescription, bottle of pain pills. You forgot them at your home 150 miles from here. Some dastardly dude stole your pain pills while you were napping.
2) "I am allergic to ibuprofen, tylenol, toradol, darvocet, ultram..." The only thing that works for you is that magic percocet.
3) "I can't get into my doctor until next week". That unempathetic doctor doesn't care about you.
4) "I used to have (back, neck, foot, etc) pain years ago and now it is flaring up so I don't have a doctor anymore".
5) "I am out in the car and I need help (probably a str
etcher) because I am in so much pain". (Somehow I got into the car at home...)
6) "Let me get on my knees or lay down in triage to show you how much pain I am in".
7) "Let me be as polite as I can and call you yes maam and maybe you will think I am a nice guy" and not a drug seeker.
8) "I am so terribly sorry to bother you at all, I know you are so busy, but I couldn't stand it anymore".
9) "I just moved here from (fill in city) and don't have a doctor here/left all my pain meds back in (fill in city)".
10) "I went to (fill in ER) and they didn't do anything for me".
11) I have surgery scheduled at (fill in hospital) next week and I need something to tide me over til then".
12) "I am not looking for narcotics".
13) "Is Dr so and so working? He was so nice last time I was here".