GOUT: slimy, bottom dwelling scavenger fish

So I have pain and swelling and redness. In my foot. Went to the doctor. Never seen this doctor before. I'm not a big doctor user. She looks at the foot, presses on the swollen and reddened part and I say OUCH! and think about hitting her. She orders an xray to rule out fracture and on the way out of the room says that she thinks I have gout.

Now gout is a very unattractive word. I mean GOUT. It sounds like some kind of slimy bottom dwelling scavenger fish. Gout is something old men get isn't it? WTF? How can I have gout?

She orders some blood tests, gives me an antibiotic and motrin script and tells me to come back in a couple of days. So I go home, immediately go on line to look up GOUT. I convince myself I have GOUT, that at that very moment uric acid crystals are surrounding my joint destroying it. That I will have chronic GOUT. I mean what woman of my age has GOUT? For cripes sake. I don't even want to tell people. I mean GOUT. Its embarassing.

Turns out, you guessed it, I don't have GOUT. Thank God. I have cellulitis. That I can live with. Its a lot more socially acceptable. Here that doctor had me all worked up thinking I had GOUT and shit. She shouldn't scare people like that.