assinine complaint #45, #234, #12

"I went to old country buffet, gorged myself, and now I have nausea and abdominal pain".

Now fix me.

"I drank too much last night and now I am vomiting".

Now fix me.

"I punched a wall and my hand hurts".

Now fix me.

Fix me. Fix me. Fix me.  You have to fix me. TRA LA LA LA.

no sissies

yes we have no condoms, we have no condoms today

Highlight of the day in triage:

Man walks swiftly up to triage desk. Opens mouth to speak. I notice he only has one tooth on top.

One tooth guy:  Do you have a condom?

Me: no

One tooth guy: You don't have condoms here?

Me: no

He turns around and walks out.  He wasn't there to be seen. He just wanted a condom. Maybe I should have said: Yeah, we have condoms, but we only have size small.  Is that okay?

Hey, I'm evil, what can I say?

we get our freak on

(Cue falsetto voice)  Uh...uh..uh...stayin' alive, stayin' alive....staaaayin' alive....

Thats me and my co workers doin' the bump in the middle of the ER.  Anybody old enough to remember the bump?

A new device has entered the land of ER.  It is a pulsating ultraviolet light robot that makes an ER room look like a disco with all the flashes and shit. Supposedly it gets rid of all those nasty bugs that hang around in hospitals causing mayhem and havoc.  Cost: $80,000.

Its all well and good, but how come the room and especially the floor still look dirty when the show is over?

I take my duty to keep y'all up on the latest technology very seriously....

fibromyalgia for everybody

There's a new phenomenom I have noticed lately.  Women (white of course) who are in their 20's and 30's coming in with a history of fibromyalgia.  It used to be the only people we saw with fibromyalgia were middled aged (white of course) women.  Apparently the wealth is spreading.

I  have a feeling the reason this is happening is because there is probably big money in treating fibromyalgia patients. Drug companies make money.  Doctors make money.  Alternative medicine practicioners make money.  Its all just one big money making family.

Only in America could an industry be built around this kind of stuff.  Hey, its the American way, right?