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Saturday, December 17, 2011

the tide, oh yeah, it gonna turn on yo' butt

When the tide turns in the ER, it can be an ugly thing.

You know the patient is kind of a wacko, but you go along with all their aches and pains in an effort to just get the visit over with in the least stressful way possible for everyone concerned. So everything is honky-dorry and you are the patients new best friend, la dee dah. You are the most wonderful nurse who ever lived. And then it happens......something does not go the patients way and BOOM!!! New patient....a transformation from sweet, polite, best friends to THE PATIENT FROM HELL!!!

The transformation is instantaneous and usually involves shouting, dramatic announcements: I"M LEAVING!!! Okay....hey I thought we were friends.

A patient comes in with some kind of cellulitis/fungus ( there's fungus amongus) thing on their leg. Oh by the way I have carbuncles (abscess like things that drain nasty goop) on my head, and I have an open sore with MRSA (organism resistant to some antibiotics) on my derriere. Oh and by the way, I tip the scales at 350.The patients takes their shoes off and the bottom of her feet are black. And I am thinking to myself ICK!!! (You know that feeling you get when you are emptying a commode full of doo-doo). It just sends a shiver up my spine. In the end, said patient was going to be admitted and everything was copacetic.

So, being the nice nurse that I am, I offer the patient something to eat (she's gotta keep her strength up after all). She chows down and in comes Miss resident to do a history and physical. Miss resident says to pleasant patient "hey dude, there you are chowing down on a sandwich. I thought you were hurlin' so much, you were blowin' chunks all day!" (Or something to that effect) "I guess you can blow this pop stand and make tracks back to yo' crib after all".

This is when pleasant patient turns a bright shade of red, steam comes out of their ears and shouts: "I knew you weren't going to admit me, you rat faced imbecile" (or something to that effect). "Chill out, fool, let me get with the ER doc" says Miss resident. "I'm out" says pleasant patient. (Cue dramatic exit music).

Moral of the story: When someone seems too polite, too sweet, thinks you are the best nurse who ever lived, calls you ma'am, be afraid be very afraid and look for THE TIDE TO TURN....

3 comments:

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Schitzo bitches... Hate having to deal with mindset.

popeyemoon said...

Hey i try to be nice,I read to many nursing blogs.

hoodnurse said...

Oh, BPD. You make life so interesting.