It wasn't me, it was my evil twin

I have an evil twin. The evil twin comes out of the patients room and grumbles to herself, using words like "idiot, moron, fool". My evil twin has to keep herself from dozing off as you drone on about your myriad of problems. My evil twin talks trash about you to her co-workers. My evil twin silently shouts "whadda think of that sucker!" when she gets an IV after you said no one can ever get one. My evil twin thinks you should be able to find your own way home....you don' need no bus token or cab voucher...you found your way here - now follow the yellow brick road back home Dorothy. My evil twin doesn't want to hear a history of all your medical problems going back to that traumatic experience in Haight-Ashbury in 1968. My evil twin doesn't want to hear that you are sorry that you peed all over the floor. I'm sorry too. My evil twin thinks you are nuts if you have more than three allergies in three different categories. My evil twin feels sorry for the nurse upstairs who has to take care of you for 8 or 12 hours, but is glad it isn't her. My evil twin knows you are on something so don't bullshit her. Remember she's evil. Never forget she's evil. Remember she has the sharp objects.

HELL WEEk

I approach hell week with trepidation, as  I do every time.  Who is really ready for hell week? You can't really prepare for it.

Hell week.  When I think of it, I think of the Navy Seals. Here's a glimpse: " During Hell Week, candidates participate in five and a half days of continuous training, each candidate sleeps at most four hours during the entire week and runs more than 200 miles." Sounds like hell week to me.

During hell week I work five 12 hour shifts in 7 days.  Sixty hours. I don't sleep much. I probably run 200 miles. And let me tell you, its under combat conditions. I work in an inner city ER in the ghetto OK? You never know whats gonna come through the door: a violent drunk, an almost dead heroin addict, a hysterical migraineur, an ex con drug seeker.  We take all comers.

The first day of hell week is the worst, especially because it falls on a dreaded Monday. Why are Mondays guaranteed to be bad in any ER?  Do people wait because they don't want to ruin their weekend?

Here's how a hell week typically goes:

Day one: I'm hysterical. Its Monday, the beginning of hell week. 'nuff said.

Day two: I'm draggin' , Monday sucked of course. I'm a little peeved.

Day three: I'm angry now. I hate the place. My life sucks. My co workers suck. The patients suck. Everything sucks.

Day four: I'm in a rage. Everybody and everything is stupid. I catch myself running toward the door a couple of times.

Day five: I am burnt to a crisp. Stay away. I might resort to physical violence. Road rage on the way home.  My husband has a shot of Jack Daniels waiting. I down it before I take my coat off. I fall to a puddle on the floor, weeping hysterically until I fall asleep and my husband carries me to bed.

I HATE HELL WEEK.

oh well there's always....

Even at my advanced age, I can still enjoy a Man Candy Saturday...

from ingenue to hag

Here I am getting "pinned" at my graduation, fresh faced and eager...

Here I am last week, old and tired...

Nursing takes its toll...

good to the very last drop

Some of our PAs are insufferable. They order things piecemeal.  Everyone gets a damn IV.

Here's a new one: Give patient 1045.5 ml bolus.  @#$%! You are frickin' kiddin me right? I'll make sure I give that last 45.5 ml as if my life depended on it. No doubt you have a complex formula you learned during your time at Bobs International school of PAs school in the Caribbean.

Oh and by the way, I ain't doin' that rectal temp on someone who is a normal person perfectable capable of putting a thermometer under their temp.  You want a rectal temp, do it yourself.....*****

****finding pictures to go with these blog entries is the highlight of my day!