Attention all staff:
DAMN IT. I have told you this shit before. You dunces can't seem to get it. So here it is:
*********SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!******
Surveys have shown that you people are talking too fucking loud at the desk again. You are laughing. You are sometimes acting like YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF. This disturbs the patients. They are lying pathetically in their cots, having just spouted their tales of woe, gleefully anticipating gallons of dilaudid in .088888 seconds. Your laughter must mean that you are not making a full out sprint to the pyxis to retrieve said dilaudid. This makes the patients feel unwanted.
How many times have we told you that this environment should not promote a sense of frivolity. We are in the business of saving lives here. THAT IS SERIOUS BUSINESS YOU BUFFOONS. People suffering from stubbed toes and STDs should not be subjected to a joke about your Aunt Loretta, no matter how funny it.
I am afraid you have give me no choice. Effective immediately, any laughing, talk above a whisper, smiling will result in disciplinary action. Since all of you idiots can't understand the concept of being a serious MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL, there will be a mandatory inservice on your day off. We will be bringing in consultants to train you in taking your jobs seriously.
In the mean time...I hate to have to take it this far, but you leave me no choice... I have procured a hat, cone shaped and had the following words sewn on to it: I HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY AND HAVING TOO MUCH FUN AT WORK. There has been an area set aside in the corner of the ER which will be designated the "ER STAFF TIMEOUT CORNER". A chair has been procured. Periodically throughout the day (and suprise visits off shift), a member of management will suddenly appear and observe staff for any laughing, snickering, tee heeing, smiles, smirks, etc. Any observations of these things will result in said cap being placed on your head and you will be placed in the timeout corner for not less than 10 minutes or more than 30 minutes.
I regret that it has come to this. You brought this on yourself people...