Gomergram

rerun...

The bain of our existence: charting.  More and more required charting, to the point where it will drive us all insane.  In the interest of collegeiality here are some abbreviations that might help you:  

 

AQR - Ain't Quite Right

Call Button Jockey - patient that uses call button, every few minutes  for no good reason

SALT Same as last time

CTS - Crazier than shit

DQ - Drama Queen

ETOH - Extremely Trashed or Hammered

FMPS - Fluff My Pillow Syndrome (attention/sympathy seeker), like Call Button Jockey

FOS - Full Of Shit

GOK God only knows

Gomergram - Ordering all available tests because the person is unable to explain what is wrong with them

JPS - Just Plain Stupid

PRATFO - Patient Reassured And Told to Fuck Off

LGFD - looks good from door (but not closely examined, possibly an obnoxious patient)

OBS - Obvious bullshit

Urban Outdoorsman - Homeless person

MFC measure for coffin

SWAG scientific wild ass guess

 

Additions anyone?

a day in the life of a junkie

When you work in the ER, you take care of ALL KINDS of people. Old people. Young people,  Black, white, purple people.  Neurotic people and even some normal people.  And you also take care of people who are on the bottom rung of our society.

Prostitutes. Junkies.  Prostitute junkies. People who have  sunk so low in life, that in order to support their habit, they stand on a street corner in the cold, waiting for someone to stop and give them 10 dollars for a quick you know what. Those  guys on their way back to the suburbs to the wife and kiddies. Suburban Steve keeps the heroin flowing from dealer to junkie.

Then the prostitute junkie goes and buys that heroin and shoots up. They end with abscesses from sharing dirty needles They end up passed out on the street.  Some "good samaritan" calls 911.  They end up with me.  Out of it. Barely able to stay awake to answer a few questions.

What are we going to do with them?  Not much.  Eventually they will come around, the junk will wear off.  We'll give them a sandwich and send them on their way to start the whole thing again. Another day, another fix.

do you have a metal plate in your head?

The ER has become a place where we screen for EVERYTHING.

You came in for a one inch cut on your finger? Along with asking you your allergies and if you had a recent tetanus shot, you will be asked about 30 other questions which have nothing to do with why you are there.

Are you allergic to latex?
Do you have any implanted devices? A metal plate in the head perhaps?
Do you have any skin problems? Any big zits?
Have you fallen recently? Excluding after a night out on the town
Have you ever had MRSA, VRE, MDRO?
Do you have:
                  a hearing problem? HELLLLLOOO???? I guess you do.
                  speak a different language? ¿Hablas inglés?  你会说ENGLSIH  .لا تتكلم englsih
                  financial trouble? If you do, the staff will be happy to
 take up a collection...

                  cognitive problem?  Are you dumber than a post?
                  etc. (can't remember the rest)

Is anyone verbally abusing you?
                physically abusing you?

And now some new added bonus questions:
                              What do you like to be called?  (Personally I prefer Queen Madness)
                              Who will be a spokesperson for you?
                              What is their phone number? (In case your laceration repair goes bad)

And now, the winner, the fiesta restistance of the screening questions, just recently added:

                  Are  you involved in any medical studies or clinical trials? (You know that study of cocaine users?

So you see, that 1 inch lacerations has become very complex.  We want to know your story back to
the Mayflower. If you answer yes to most of these problems, are we going to do anything different? NO.

Keep in mind all of these questions are supposed to be answered in triage where we have all kinds of time for this shit.

man candy Saturday one day late

Alas, I am exhausted from working 60 hours last week. I am in need of a man candy Saturday, even if it is a day late....

the window

As an  ER nurse, everyday you see human suffering.  Sounds dramatic doesn't it, human suffering?  But its the truth.  You have a window into so many peoples lives who are going through bad stuff. People are living with illnesses that are mad worse by stress.

They have a chronic illness that just happened to them.  They didn't do anything wrong.  Now they lost their job, the insurance runs out at the end of the month.  Who will take care of them? How will they get their medication?. Hopefully they will be able to afford health care under the new system.  Meanwhile all this stress exacerbates their illness.

Then there is the person who has just been diagnosed with an illness and they wonder how it will affect their life. They are young. Will they be able to keep working?  What does their future look like?

Their are families whose loved ones are dying and they aren't ready to face it yet.  They are angry, ready to blame someone else. You have deal with them too.  

There's mom and dad bringing in teenage son who is addicted to heroin.  This wasn't supposed to happen to their family.  They live in the suburbs.  He had everything.  Yet here they are, not knowing what to do, scared out of their minds, wanting some, any kind of help.  In the end we will only offer numbers and names and send them on their way.

I am left to wonder what I would be like in these situations.