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Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Gomergram

rerun...

The bain of our existence: charting.  More and more required charting, to the point where it will drive us all insane.  In the interest of collegeiality here are some abbreviations that might help you:  
 
AQR - Ain't Quite Right
Call Button Jockey - patient that uses call button, every few minutes  for no good reason
SALT Same as last time
CTS - Crazier than shit
DQ - Drama Queen
ETOH - Extremely Trashed or Hammered
FMPS - Fluff My Pillow Syndrome (attention/sympathy seeker), like Call Button Jockey
FOS - Full Of Shit
GOK God only knows
Gomergram - Ordering all available tests because the person is unable to explain what is wrong with them
JPS - Just Plain Stupid
PRATFO - Patient Reassured And Told to Fuck Off
LGFD - looks good from door (but not closely examined, possibly an obnoxious patient)
OBS - Obvious bullshit
Urban Outdoorsman - Homeless person
MFC measure for coffin
SWAG scientific wild ass guess
 
Additions anyone?

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

ftf failure to fly. jumper.
ctd circlin'
pbab pine box at bedside
mtf metabolize to freedom

:)

EDNurseasauras said...

JAFE: Just Another Fucking Excuse (as in can't get pt out of the ER). Charge: "Is that admission going to the floor now?". "Nope. JAFED again, nurse at lunch"

Karen said...

As I read throught the posts in your blog, I cannot help but say to myself geez, I hope she is not a nurse at my local hospital. I shutter to think of you with your bad attitude caring for one of my loved ones. I realize nursing is an extremely difficult profession but that is the profession you chose. You have no right to judge people and write the nasty things you write. You should do the patients in your local area a favor and leave the nursing profession as it appears you are burnt out. However, I think you are just a nasty person in general.

Barb said...

We have similar ones in veterinary med:
DIC (Disseminated intravascular coagulation) = Dead In Cage
DFL = Dog Fight Loser
ADR = Ain't Doin' Right
BDLD = Big Dog/Little Dog (usually also a DFL)
POST = not an acronym, it refers to the owner as in "like talking to a post"

Beth said...

Dear Karen,

I hate to break it to ya, but she is ABSOLUTELY a nurse at your local hospital and at every hospital the world over. We put up with some of the worst crap that you can't even dream because somebody has to do it, even if we have a fake smile on our face. Working in a broken system will do that to you. Here's a thought: maybe this is just a nice, anonymous place to blow off some steam? That's the great thing about the internet.

Either way, burnout or not, ER nurses will still run in to save your dying ass no matter what we think of you.

Karen said...

Beth,
I beg to differ that " she is a nurse at your local hospital and every hospital the world over". I have met some very lovely PROFESSIONAL nurses.
I did acknowledege that nurses have an extremely difficult job. However, let me reiterate, that is the profession you chose. Teachers have a difficult job and work in a broken system as well and are extremely under paid, and if they blew off steam in such a tactless manner, there would be public outrage. Beth, I hate to break it to ya, you may run in to ASSIST in saving my dying ass, but it is the Doctor who saves it.
Head over to some of the M.D. blogs, they blow off steam as well only they do in a tasteful manner. Here's a thought: there is a way to blow off steam without coming across as nasty, judgemental and crass.

girlvet said...

Dear sweet Beth

You are absolutely right. I am a mean old bitch. Doctors save everybody. I should have been a teacher like you.

KISS KISS

Madness

Doc Rugrat said...

Karen,
The medical profession is a very high stress job. Expressing the negative feelings in a safe place like this allows nurses and doctors to be professional in person. All medical professionals have these negative feelings. The "lovely professional nurses" you know probably express all their negative emotions in the staff breakroom. If they don't express them somewhere they will self-destruct.

Anonymous said...

" Karen said...

As I read throught the posts in your blog, I cannot help but say to myself geez, I hope she is not a nurse at my local hospital. I shutter to think of you with your bad attitude caring for one of my loved ones. I realize nursing is an extremely difficult profession but that is the profession you chose. You have no right to judge people and write the nasty things you write. You should do the patients in your local area a favor and leave the nursing profession as it appears you are burnt out. However, I think you are just a nasty person in general.

11:05 AM" --


haha.Lord knows, NURSES are supposed to be altruistic self-sacrificing fools who willingly run themselves into the ground 24/7 without EVER asking "Is this patient just being totally foolish and completely unreasonable and noncompliant," or "Am I being used and abused by patients, employer, heck, just about everybody???" Shit people and seeing clearly how cost-cutting is turning nursing into a shit job was exactly why I quit RN school without finishing, and why I never will go back. I am sure that Madness does her job, ON THE JOB. But off the job, she is free to call a shit job a shit job. Personally, I wonder why she doesn't find another job.But maybe "she" is actually long gone from ER work, and "she" just writes stories that others contribute.

Anonymous said...

Karen- ALL nurses are professional, on the surface. But every single one of us thinks that most of our patients are idiots.