Up here in the normally frozen tundra, we are in transilvanian state of mind. It is so foggy you can't see the skyline. There has been little snow. Everything is gray and dreary and it feels like there is no hope in sight. The ER is full of vomitters and diarrheaurs and coughers and such. So in an attempt to elevate my spirits, I looked up medical humor on the internet. Here are the results:
Stupid doctors orders:
Elevate patient's scrotum while lying in bed.
Please bathe patient. If nursing staff is too incompetent to do this, please inform me.
Apply Nystatin powder to groin and under weiner prn.
D/C orders from ER doc for 13yr old etoh pt. Under home d/c Rx: "Ass-kickin by parents PRN"
Nitropaste 1.5 inches to chest wall, q6h,
"TITRATE" to SBP> 90 by wiping off 1/4 inch at a time.
Keep bum covered, family request. I'm not kidding!
Humidified oxygen to liberate sputum.
Please, for the love of God, transfer pt to floor. Monitored bed not necessary.
BTSOOM - Beats The Sh*t Out Of Me
bugs in the rug - pubic lice
DILLIGAF - Do I Look Like I Give A F*ck
SOSFOLFOFNOF same old story frail old lady fell over, fractured neck of femur
BUNDY but unfortunately not dead yet
Ringo – (after Beatles drummer Ringo Starr) an expendable team member
BWS beached whale syndrome
Pre-procedure: Suspected foreign object lodged in rectum. Radiology suggests may be golf ball.
Post-procedure: Foreign object removed from rectum. Sent to lab for analysis.
Lab report: Confirm foreign object is golf ball. Brand: Titleist.