Thursday, February 02, 2012


Up here in the normally frozen tundra, we are in transilvanian state of mind. It is so foggy you can't see the skyline. There has been little snow. Everything is gray and dreary and it feels like there is no hope in sight. The ER is full of vomitters and diarrheaurs and coughers and such. So in an attempt to elevate my spirits, I looked up medical humor on the internet. Here are the results:

Stupid doctors orders:

Elevate patient's scrotum while lying in bed.

Please bathe patient. If nursing staff is too incompetent to do this, please inform me.

Apply Nystatin powder to groin and under weiner prn.

D/C orders from ER doc for 13yr old etoh pt. Under home d/c Rx: "Ass-kickin by parents PRN"

Nitropaste 1.5 inches to chest wall, q6h,
"TITRATE" to SBP> 90 by wiping off 1/4 inch at a time.

Keep bum covered, family request. I'm not kidding!

Humidified oxygen to liberate sputum.

Please, for the love of God, transfer pt to floor. Monitored bed not necessary.

ER acronyms:

BTSOOM - Beats The Sh*t Out Of Me

bugs in the rug - pubic lice

DILLIGAF - Do I Look Like I Give A F*ck

SOSFOLFOFNOF same old story frail old lady fell over, fractured neck of femur

BUNDY but unfortunately not dead yet

Ringo – (after Beatles drummer Ringo Starr) an expendable team member

BWS beached whale syndrome

Surgery report:

Pre-procedure: Suspected foreign object lodged in rectum. Radiology suggests may be golf ball.
Post-procedure: Foreign object removed from rectum. Sent to lab for analysis.
Lab report: Confirm foreign object is golf ball. Brand: Titleist.


Anonymous said...

One night it was an orange-a fairly sizable navel orange too; not one of the smaller juice models. Took only a few minutes for the news to make its way from Stock Island to downtown KWest and into Sloppy's.

Decades before cell phones too. John Lennon still writing music...

Anonymous said...

I have a couple ER acronyms that we use all the time...

TSTL-too stupid to live

HIP- hospital induced paralysis (pt is usually presents with +ve pj sign and +ve suitcase sign)

ButtercupRN said...

Oh God, reminded me of one of the more "funny" moments. I worked in Burns so it wasn't unusual for doc to order elevate scrotum if the area was burned. They meant for us to put a kerlix gauze under it to hopefully decrease swelling. One of my more imaginative nurses elevated her pt's scrotum to an IV pole which worked out just fine unless someone lowered the bed because the IV pole wasn't attached to the bed. Eek! Well I unloosed the poor man and kept a closer eye on her. :{

Anonymous said...

Ringo was a great drummer.