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Thursday, April 26, 2012

I don't care if you can't chunk a deuce


Sometimes the ER smells like a pig pen. Literally. Shit is running off of carts and on to the floor.

Speaking of poop, why does anyone ever come into the ER with constipation? ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS OF THE US:

*****CONSTIPATION IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. I REPEAT. CONSTIPATION IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. THAT IS ALL. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.*****

If you come into the ER with constipation, you will be viewed as the frickin' idiot that you are. I don't care if you are 102, the fact that you haven't had a bowel movement in 3 days is not an emergency. While we're at it, why is it that old people are obsessed with having bowel movements? Its like if they don't have a daily poop, its a crisis...

By the way, I don't believe you when you say you haven't crapped in 2 weeks. Don't believe you. Sorry. You wouldn't be able to eat, drink. Go home.

Attention all ER docs: IF YOU ORDER AN ENEMA, ESPESCIALLY A TAP WATER ENEMA, YOU WILL BECOME A HATED FIGURE. THAT IS ALL. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

When I see a constipation coming my way, I run for the med room, staff lounge, bathroom, pop machine, develop a sudden interest in my patients personal life.

Don't come to the ER for constipation. The ER staff will hate you. And while I am at it, don't bring in granny or grandpa either. Have you ever tried to give an enema to an 85 year old? Its a recipe for diaster for all concerned. Now we hate you and your whole family.

50 comments:

New Nurse said...

I had one come in NOT constipated, having had a perfectly normal BM, but said "Compared to what I eat, not enough is coming out." *facepalm*

Tex said...

No shit!

Mark p.s.2 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Ok that's a little excessive she's not talking about that kind of situation! Yes of course someone can die from it but there are people that come to the ER that its just ridiculous how not a problem it is really go home drink some prune juice save the healthcare system your $1000 if not more ER visit.

Dan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
CR RN said...

I actually did have a pregnant patient who did not have a BM for 3 weeks- the resident checked her and thought she was complete - I checked and said, uh that's not a head it is stool!!!! Talk about an explosive night....

Anonymous said...

I totally had a day just like that this week! my sympathies to you!

Anonymous said...

just to play devil's advocate...I definitely went two weeks without pooping a few times when I was younger. my 'rents most definitely never took me to the ER for it, though!

Anonymous said...

There are fetish clubs where you can get an enema from somebody who enjoys giving them. Perhaps your facility could contract with one of them.

sports handicapping services said...

Clearly it is a condition as many and if you can finish in an emergency room

Anonymous said...

I think saying that dr's will hate you for coming in is so trashy and bs!! You dr's get over paid for taking blood, and giving suggestions so why would it matter wat people come in for your getting paid either way!! I agree that its an emergency room but shit happens at all times of the day and your their for the people! It disgusts me that people like you who harshly judge those you are in care of even work at such a place, grow up and do your job or find a new profession!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree. You need to find another profession as soon as possible as you are not cut out to be a nurse. I had to go to the ER because of an impaction due to taking Vicodin. I had not had a bowel movement in over 5 days and had tried everything. I was in extreme pain. It was a last resort to go to the ER and embarressing also. Thank goodness I didn't have you for a nurse. I pity your patients who have to have you take care of them because it's obvious you have no empathy or kindness. You seriously need to leave the nursing profession. You give it a bad name. If I were you I would be ashamed of the way you think about people. Get into a profession where you don't have to deal with people. That would be best because I know that not many people would want you as their nurse

Anonymous said...

Actually, I'd be fine with having this blog-writer for a nurse. I do not need to have a pleasant nurse. Nor do I need a church lady, or a mama type. I can't stand those sweetness and light women, actually. I'd rather have a smart Nurse Nobullshit, for sure, LoL! Nobody has to fawn all over me when I go in. Just be competent, be factual, and give adequate and appropriate medical treatment. Oh, and if you have nothing nice to say, definitely hide out in my room and let's dish the dirt. lolololololol

Anonymous said...

I was on medicaid spenddown. This means I didnt have insurance and my income was to high to normally get on medicaid. When they put you on spenddown it means you must have 1000+ in medical bills before they will give you insurance. What the best way to do that is go to the er. Then they will pay most of the bill for you. I lost my job & had 2 do what I had to. My unemployment benefits made me over the income limit.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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Anonymous said...

Hey. I had a tonsillectomy and was on pain meds the last 10 days. Haven't pooped once. Hurts like hell. Truth.

Anonymous said...

I have abdominal adhesions and get obstructed often .....which is life threatening! If you were any kind of nurse at all, you would know that. And yes, people can go weeks without going.

julie said...

I'm not sure where you got your degree, but an obstruction can be life threatening and pure hell for the person going through it. And, believe it or not, since you are so smart, you can go weeks without having a bowel movement!!! I had surgery 3 weeks ago and I have nor been able to go. I had to go to my doctor today to find out what is going on. I have been in extreme pain and I have not slept in a week. I had an x-ray done and my colon is all backed-up. My doctor wanted me to go into the hospital, but I chose to try to take care of this at home. I am a professional and work in the health field. I have many nurses in my family. My sister is a CRNP. Thank-God they do not feel as you do. You and whatever nurses and doctors feel the way you do need to find a different profession!!! You are an embarrassment to our field!!! People come to the ER for help, not for people to make fun of them or not help them. For all of you that feel this way, I really hope you have to go through this one day!!!

Victoria Hooks said...

First off i just wanna say how full of crap u are i been hospitalized twice for constipation once which caused ischemia colitis, whiuch as you should know is when bloode flow is cut off from the intestines since then my dr has advised me to get looked at out of fear of another ischemia episode plus lady sometimes you dont know if your constipated or if something else is going on especially when u have bladder intestine and female issues and your unsure if they are all flaring at once or if your constipated or if something new is popping up.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately a person may not know they have constipation and in fact they may have something serious. Also, old people are vulnerable and having cared for aging family members it makes me sad to think if they sought help they could have someone with this attitude. I think you should be thankful for having such a good paying career. I am sure there is a nurse looking for an opening who has more empathy and intelligence than you regarding such things. Yes, there are people who end up in ER who should wait but I have never found ER to be anything easy to be part of as a patient or the one bringing someone in.

Anonymous said...

You are a disgrace to the medical profession. I hate nurses like you who are egotistical snobs. I have gone 3 weeks without a bowl movement, and it hurts like heck. I tried everything from miralax to suppositories to mag citrate 3 days in a row and everything in between. Finally went to the ER because it was a weekend and I had a bowl obstruction. Thank god you weren't my nurse. People who work in the health care industry who work directly with patients need to be knowledgeable and have people skills, you obviously have neither.

Anonymous said...

Ive worked in an ER for the last five years, I came across this blog having extreme pain and being constipated for 4 days. I wont go into the ER for this simply because of people like you. so, maybe it will get worse or better. ive worked with nurses like you, and seen them get fired quicker than it took to write this comment. They don't teach bed side manner in nursing school, its called professionalism. clearly you have neither. the human body is embarrassing to many. doctors and nurses should alleviate this embarrassment with professionalism. What I don't understand after going through your disgusting blogs, is why did you spend so much money becoming a nurse, when you cant handle the human body. do some simple research, and you will see how dangerous constipation can be. I hope karma comes around on you and you have this happen. hopefully your nurse will be just as rude as you. I agree with the MANY comments on here, leave the profession, your an embarrassment to professional nurses and doctors everywhere. and this disgusting site should be banned. just think of how many people you have put in danger simply because you don't like your career. Disgusting.

Anonymous said...

You need to seriously reconsider your career choice! As a medical professional i am shockef at your lack of empathy, respect for the patient and your attitude! I watched my Aunt become so ill from a ruptured bowel, that she was placed in the ICU! So while i hope you never have to experience constipation personally, it is and can become a life threatening condition!

Anonymous said...

It is because of people like you that I don't seek medical attention when I need it. I can't fit into my pants, can't pass gas, my last two movements 4 and 6 days ago were so painful that it made me cry, I can't drink fluids and can't eat. Tried at home medication to no avail. And then I read your blog telling me I will be hated for seeking medical attention. Thanks, I hate you too.

Anonymous said...

That nurse made me feel absolutely awful. I think I have a bowel obstruction. I suffer from chronic constipation. I'm bloated. I'm having abdominal pain on both sides. Can feel lumps in my abdomen. I also have no sensation of having a bowel movement but have severe abdominal pressure and pain. Because of nurses like the 1st one on this page that made such horrible comments is the very reason I won't even be seen by a doctor. Everything I've read states I can be causing toxicity, tumors, cancer, or the possibilities of tears, damage to other organs, abscesses, infection, or a rupture of the intestines. Nice to know what the medical professionals think and how disgusting their judgements are.

Anonymous said...

I've been having similar problems and other medical problems too embarrassing to talk about and really don't want to seek medical attention now. Thank you in sharing with the public how nurses or even worse doctors think. I really want to vomit now.

Anonymous said...

I just came across this because I didn't know if I should go to the ER or not, and now after reading this I really don't want to go. I have not went in over a week, I have taken 3 Dulcolax a day for the past 3 days, including an extra 2 yesterday, so that is 11 tablets all together. I have been drinking water like crazy and trying to be as active as I can. Today I was getting ready for work and could not fit into ANY of my work pants. I had to use a safety pin to close them to give me some extra room. My stomach is rock hard and today I started having pain. I actually have had this before and I paged my gastroenterologist who told me to go directly to the ER, but of course I didn't listen because of people like you. I am way embarrassed to go in now. I guess I will just have to lay here and be miserable and hope it is not something more serious. Honestly, I need to ask how you were able to obtain a job?

Loretta Parker said...

wow this makes my misery even worse. I am 13 weeks pregnant and have not had a BM in 11 days. I am hard as a rock from the top of my ribs to my pelvis area. I have used 3 enemas, milk of magnesia, handfulls of stool softeners and fiber pills daily, minimum of 72 oz of water daily, consume less than 1000 cal daily (all veggies and some fruit and beabs), and have drank 3 bottles of magnesium citrate over the last 3 days, but can't even hold down anything the last 12 hrs, not even water. I am in severe pain and thanks to you fear the idea even more of going to the e.r. to ask for help so I can WORK and support my children tomorrow.... thanks for the encouragement!

Anonymous said...

Not all people are that mean, you do what has to be done and the hell with people like that. That jerk has nothing better to, do and has no one to love him or her, maybe has never had affection in his life that's why they act that way. You cannot bed embarrassed of what is going on, the dr., and nurses give you the treatment you need and they are not going to remember you they have work to do unlike this idiot that takes his work home with him and blogs about it cause thats what he thinks about is shit all day. Good luck and take care of your self and the ones you love no matter what it is.

Anonymous said...

im 17 and one time i had not gone for four weeks i have severe constipation issues and a very stretchy colon im sorry that i think that might be an issue when im kneeling over in pain. Your just a bad nurse you need to go home and find yourself some help. People go to the er because they fell they have a true emergency.Anyway i was hospitalized for a week during my visit when my x-ray revealed that my stool was actually pushing against my lungs.

Colorado Springs Doula said...

Seriously? I was just TOLD to go to an ER by a nurse because my son (age 4) may not have had a BM in a while and is complaining of stomach and rectal pain without straining, is pale and can't eat much, was vomiting 5 days ago, etc. Don't call yourself a nurse who cares about patients and then tell everyone that constipation is never an emergency. Someone might have an obstruction or a severe compaction. That could be an emergency. An infant with a compaction or GI obstruction can die. That's an emergency. Sorry you don't like poop or enemas, but that's part of your job. If it weren't, you wouldn't know what it's all about in the ER. Don't like it, get a new position.

Anonymous said...

If you can't handle dealing with people with constipation, you might want to consider a different career path. Its obvious that your fairytale ending of marrying a doctor and not working another day in your life didn't pan out...don't take your life failures out on others who in most cases would rather find themselves anywhere but the ER with a nurse ratchet such as yourself(at least this is how you have made yourself out to be).
Presently I have not had a bowel movement over the size of a pea in 3 weeks. Thanks to nurses such as yourself I have been unable to hydrate myself in over the last 2 weeks. My ketone levels are 10 times darker than any reference chart that my doctor can find, and my systems are shutting down starting with continuous bigeminy pvc's. My own doctor had me sent to the hospital only for their staff to cause me coprimesis(yes I am vomiting kaka, fecal matter, poop....whatever you want to call it) either way...being a good competent nurse as yourself, you must be making some good coin....it might be time to use this coin to work in a laundry room where you won't have to deal with constipated people. So as I head back up to the hospital(as per my doctor as fleet enemas, soap enemas, peglit, lactalose, domperidone and several other attempts for successful extrations....have all failed). I only pray I don't end up in your ER tonight as I would honestly rather shoot myself than deal with your ignorant and jaded nursing views.

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girlvet said...

Lord what a shit show!

Anonymous said...

I agree 1000%!!! I suffer from constipation quite often and from what I have discovered is that there are a lot of risk for people like myself!! And most people don't go to the ER knowing their symptoms are a result of constipation. And why would you dare say its not possible to be constipated for more than 15 days because I am on day 18 and although my abdomen is quite swollen and generally I have a "just ate feeling" I do still get hungry and do eat. I have been having serious back pain mostly on the lower right side and was on my way to the ER when I realized the many days since a bm. So no I havent went to the ER but thats not to say that I wont since enemas and medication has yet to deliver any relief what so ever. So according to the nurse who apparently has an issue with her profession. . I am curious to hear what your advice is for someone who is on day 18 of no bm. I am quite shocked to find such outrageous talk about patients coming into your ER for help and you are making fun of them. I have to agree with the above comment...you need to find a new profession since the quality of compassion is a must for anyone in the medical field. Not only are you obviously miserable but I would guarantee your patients are just as miserable with you as you are with them!!

Anonymous said...

Didn't know I was constipated until I began movement. Difficult to go to ER at that point.
Gloves and Vaseline helped in digging enlarged fiches to reduce the size to pass the sphincter.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the others' comments on here. You most certainly need to find a new profession if that is the way you feel! Constipation CAN BE a serious medical emergency!!! In fact, I has to go to the ER due to not going to the bathroom for several days, along with vomiting and serious abdominal pains a and was admitted for a bowel obstruction!! How dare you say that docs and nurses will hate you for coming in with symptoms such as constipation!! Thank God you were never MY nurse...and remind me never to come into your ER looking for help!

Anonymous said...

You're quite the bitch! You shouldn't be a nurse!

Anonymous said...

Such a bitch and what a pig!

Anonymous said...

I have had to go to the ER 4 times in the past year because of being constipated for over a week. Severe pain. The nurse who wrote that constipation is not an emergency is an idiot and so un compassionate she will have terrible karma. People can die from being impacted. Ever hear of ruptured colon? Toxic megacolon. I would like your name, and the name of your employer. You need to be reported. Your attitude has probably already cost someone their life.

Anonymous said...

I havent had a bowel movement over the size of a nickel in 6 days when I eat my stomach spasms tried ducolax enemas suppository magnesium and nothing works do I need to go to er

Anonymous said...

What a whiny little bitch you are. I guess you chose the wrong profession and probably cheated on the final exam because you are severely lacking in knowledge as well as compassion. Don't blame your bad choice on people who are in pain and seeking help. If you don't quit now, you will probably end up killing someone.

Anonymous said...

Ok so people come in da hospital because they dont know if wat there going through is really serious or not nurses and doctors its your job to tell them that stop complanin aren't u gettin paid just stfu and do your job

Anonymous said...

There's a reason why you are a nurse and not a doctor.....

Donald Baird said...

I reply to:
Anonymous said...

im 17 and one time i had not gone for four weeks i have severe constipation issues and a very stretchy colon im sorry that i think that might be an issue when im kneeling over in pain. Your just a bad nurse you need to go home and find yourself some help. People go to the er because they fell they have a true emergency.Anyway i was hospitalized for a week during my visit when my x-ray revealed that my stool was actually pushing against my lungs.
10:29 PM

I could be in same situ, my question is: did you used to smoke, anything? I did, and am thinking this is possibly the body's way of healing, oh i have a 102.2 temp right now and the usual horrifying gas, cramping pain. 1 1/2 months with doc: just got CT scan 2 days ago, 3 blood tests, nothing, and I'm dying every waking moment is agony.

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