ten, count 'em ten, weird moments in the ER

In my 59 years in the emergency here are a ten weird things that have happened:

1) A man comes up to the triage window and says his car broke down a couple of blocks away and can we borrow him some money. He promises to pay us back.

2) My 250 pound patient becomes so agitated he stands up on the ER cart, swinging his arms around and almost goes over the side.

3) I am triaging a woman and when I ask her when her last period was, she says, "I'm not a woman". Fooled me.

4) A kitten is found wandering down the hall in the ER. My coworker takes it home and adopts it.

5) A man ties up his dog outside the ER and comes in to be seen.

6) My husband is sitting outside the ER entrance waiting for me to come out. A car pulls up in front of him. Suddenly 3 or 4 cars appear and people jump out with guns and rifles, pointing them at the car. A cop yells to my husband to "get down!". It turns out that the guy in the car was wanted for murder and the cops had been trailing him.

7) A man comes in with a cat bite. He and a friend had been driving on the highway and heard a strange sound coming from the front of the car. They found a kitten curled up under the hood apparently trying to stay warm on a cold day. When they went to get the kitten out, it bit him. Rabies shots.

8) A man is on a flight from an Asian country to Canada. He becomes so drunk that they can't arouse him. They divert to our city and he is brought to ER. He doesn't speak any english of course.

9) A man comes up to the ER desk and says that he is God. He says it took him a long time to figure this out. Does he want to be seen? No he just wants to know the way to McDonalds.

10) A man in his sixties comes in and for some reason that I can't recall, we take his shoes off. Lo and behold there is a baggie of crack which we confiscate and give to security. They flush it down the toilet. At the end of the visit, the man becomes irate because he wants his crack back...

And the beat goes on...