Saturday, July 28, 2012

memo to drug seekers

Dear drug seekers:

The following are drug seeker presentations that we see on a daily basis. In other words, don't need to be a lot more original.

1) "I lost/they were stolen/I forgot..". You lost your prescription, bottle of pain pills. You forgot them at your home 150 miles from here. Some dastardly dude stole your pain pills while you were napping.
2) "I am allergic to ibuprofen, tylenol, toradol, darvocet, ultram..." The only thing that works for you is that magic percocet.
3) "I can't get into my doctor until next week". That unempathetic doctor doesn't care about you.
4) "I used to have (back, neck, foot, etc) pain years ago and now it is flaring up so I don't have a doctor anymore".
5) "I am out in the car and I need help (probably a stetcher) because I am in so much pain". (Somehow I got into the car at home...)
6) "Let me get on my knees or lay down in triage to show you how much pain I am in".
7) "Let me be as polite as I can and call you yes maam and maybe you will think I am a nice guy" and not a drug seeker.
8) "I am so terribly sorry to bother you at all, I know you are so busy, but I couldn't stand it anymore".
9) "I just moved here from (fill in city) and don't have a doctor here/left all my pain meds back in (fill in city)".
10) "I went to (fill in ER) and they didn't do anything for me".
11) I have surgery scheduled at (fill in hospital) next week and I need something to tide me over til then".
12) "I am not looking for narcotics".
13) "Is Dr so and so working? He was so nice last time I was here".


EDNurseasauras said...

"Out of desperation I tried one of my (boyfriend's/mother's/neighbor's) Percocet and it seemed to really help. I was able to stop for coffee on the way to the ER because it brought my pain down from a 10 to a 9.5"

ilovestargate said...

"I'm allergic to pretty much anything that might have an NSAID in it. Really, the only thing that works even a little bit is 2mg of Dilaudid IV. I have a great vein right here..."

Anonymous said...

Some people (like me) have nasty reactions to some nsaids. Advil and naproxen cause my legs to swell up like balloons. Ultram gave me seizures. Darvocet has been withdrawn from the US drug market for causing heart rhythm issues (i couldn't take it either because it caused me to vomit over and over). Thankfully, i can take aspirin and tylenol and have no tolerance for opiates...half a tylenol 3 works wonders...

Elizabeth said...

Uh, doesn't Tylenol 3 have codeine?

lindsaylou said...

Codeine is actually an isomer of morphine.. Therefore making it an opioid.