Thursday, September 26, 2013

"my tummy hurts"

Some days I can't take another person coming up to the triage desk with their sad tale of woe.  I have had it.  I don't want to hear about your problems anymore. Go away.  Hey, I got an idea, go outside, its a nice day. Sit in the sun for half an hour. Better yet, go have a hot fudge sundae.  It will do you a helluva lot more good than coming in here, having all this shit done and then, guess what, wait for it, WAIT FOR IT, there is nothing wrong with you.  What a shock to everyone.

I've decided that I am going to start doing a lot more quoting patients in my notes.  Mostly for my own amusement.  Patient states that their "meds were stolen by their 2nd cousin, twice removed".   Patient states that their "tummy hurts when I am hungry.  Pain goes away when I eat".  "Patient states that due to back pain, they are unable to get to the bathroom to take a crap".  Etc etc etc  You get the idea..

The ER is a cesspool of dysfunction.  I like that....cesspool of dysfunction...yeah.


Anonymous said...

My patient told me he missed dialysis because his cellphone was "stolen by a desperado" so he could not call the transportation company. This was several weeks ago and it is still making me laugh.

Anonymous said...

My most favorite triage nurse ever uses almost exclusive quotes for his notes in these situations. According to him, he sees no point in trying to translate the stupid, it should speak for itself.

Alyssa said...

Those quotes.
Hey, gotta do whatcha gotta do to stay entertained!

Julio Brzozowski said...

Tummy hurts when I am hungry. Pain goes away when I eat – LOL at that. That’s from a kid, right? If not, he should have run to the nearest restaurant or to his own kitchen. I can’t imagine someone would use that line in the ER. I love reading your hilarious tales, veteran nurse. =D

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