Tuesday, November 20, 2012

if only Gerard Butler were a doctor

Even though I sometimes poke a stick at and make fun of doctors on this blog, I have the utmost respect for 15 out of 16 of the docs I work with (OK I'd like to dropkick number 16). That being said, I take you on a tour of types of ER docs:
THE ENERGIZER BUNNY - This doc (usually not too far out of residency) is sometimes standing at the door as you bring them to the room from triage. They are like a dog with a bone. AMOS ADD ON: This doc will initially order some stuff and then as that comes back he will order more tests and then more and then more....
THE ABSENT MINDED PROFESSOR - This doc is really too smart for their own good. When someone has vague symptoms they will go off half cocked looking into whether this could be some rare exotic disease. Wanders off easily. Messy.
JACKHAMMER JACKIE: They learned how to do an extensive history and physical in a short period of time and by God, they are going to do it on every patient. Patients is often confused and can't keep up when doc says: do you have this symptom? this? this? this? a rapid fire manner.
OVER ORDER OLLIE: This doc orders everything under the sun and then some. Damn it, I'm going to order everything, there's got to be something wrong with you and I'm going to find out what it is!! Keeps CT and MRI in business.
PANICKY POLLY: Voice goes up 10 octaves in any emergency situation. They are so nervous they make everybody else nervous too. Creates chaos at the beginning. She's the kind of doc you want to slap across the face and say: "Stop it! You're hysterical!" (Usually an internal med doc working in an ER - sorry IM docs)
MACHO MIGUEL: You set up everything perfect for that procedure and it goes without a hitch. But alas, macho miguel will point out one small thing that you should have done keep you in your place and reinforce WHO IS THE DOCTOR HERE.....
NANCY NICE: This doc is SO nice and kind to EVERY PATIENT. Never raises their voice. Never gets angry. You know one day they will probably go postal and it won't be a pretty sight...
NO BULLSHIT BILL: Doesn't allow those drug seekers to get drugs. Cuts off the chronic painers after a couple of pain shots. Throws out those abusive patients. The nurses best friend. Lest you think that ER nurses have nothing but negative things to say about docs, oh contraire dear is the ideal doc in an ER nurses eyes:

DREAM DOCTOR: Is very good at his/her job. Respects nurses. Goes to the doctor's lounge and brings back cookies. Occasionally gets the patient a drink of water or warm blanket THEMSELVES. Buys an occasional pizza. Has a sense of humor. Looks like Gerard Butler. Has that accent Been around a while, been there done that, doesn't get too excited about stuff. Calm under pressure.

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