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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

I don't care if you can't chunk a deuce/you're inability to defecate is not my problem

Sometimes the ER smells like a pig pen. Literally. Shit is running off of carts and on to the floor.

Speaking of poop, why does anyone ever come into the ER with constipation? ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS OF THE US:

*****CONSTIPATION IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. I REPEAT. CONSTIPATION IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. THAT IS ALL. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.*****

If you come into the ER with constipation, you will be viewed as the frickin' idiot that you are. I don't care if you are 102, the fact that you haven't had a bowel movement in 3 days is not an emergency. While we're at it, why is it that old people are obsessed with having bowel movements? Its like if they don't have a daily poop, its a crisis...

By the way, I don't believe you when you say you haven't crapped in 2 weeks. Don't believe you. Sorry. You wouldn't be able to eat, drink. Go home.

Attention all ER docs: IF YOU ORDER AN ENEMA, ESPESCIALLY A TAP WATER ENEMA, YOU WILL BECOME A HATED FIGURE. THAT IS ALL. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

When I see a constipation coming my way, I run for the med room, staff lounge, bathroom, pop machine, develop a sudden interest in my patients personal life.

Don't come to the ER for constipation. The ER staff will hate you. And while I am at it, don't bring in granny or grandpa either. Have you ever tried to give an enema to an 85 year old? Its a recipe for diaster for all concerned. Now we hate you and your whole family.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

ED nurses are AMAZING!!!! I am always jealous of your skill!! However, you are more concerned with the physical aspect of the patient than the emotional or mental aspects... It is your job!! You are the best at what you do!! Do you ever wonder about emotional, spiritual, social, economical, and situational aspects of your patient? Please don't get me wrong... These things are not your job!! You are the FIRST!! Our society could not function without you wonderful people!! I'm just curious... a hospice nurse.

Anonymous said...

I saw this post when you originally posted in 2012, and it's just as horrible now as it was then. It's not your *job* to judge a patient, it's your *JOB* to help them. Ischemia, undx'd colorectal cancer, full or even partial obstructions - how the hell would you know which from which walked into your damn ER? If you treat 100 constipated old ladies for every one of the above you catch - is it worth your time then? Or should that 1/100 patient die because you feel inconvenienced as an ER nurse?

Shame on you. If a single person died of sepsis because of the embarrassment of reading your post on a Google search for "ER Constipation" - I hope you someday find that fact out, face to face, with that dead patient's family.

Fuck you said...

YOUR inability, not you're. Stupid asshole. I feel sorry for your parents!