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Friday, October 14, 2011

bad dog

Emergency department no-no's. You are a bad dog:

1) Don't fall and come in by ambulance and have a baggie of crack in your sock that the doctor finds when he examines you. At age 65 no less. Then keep coming out of your room yelling that we have no right to take your property.
2) Don't come in with your girlfriend (the patient) and then go out to the ER entrance and try the door on a car that is sitting there and get in and look around for something to steal. Then go back in your girlfriends room like nothing happened.You see my dear moron, we have cameras at the entrance, so smile you are BUSTED!
3) Don't come in with your boyfriend and both of you ask to be seen for the same thing: chronic back pain. Then expect both of you to get a supply of Vicodin. I don't think so.
4) Don't go in the bathroom and down a bottle of jack daniels before you are admitted to mental health.
5) Don't be banned from 3 local hospitals because you were sexually aggressive and threatened to kill the staff, then set your sights on our hospital.
6) Don't adjust your own IV pump to cause yourself another medical problem so you can be admitted.
7) Don't call us on the phone and ask if we do c-sections there because you are "tired of carrying this baby".
8) Don't pack some hospital sheets and towels into a patient belongings bag and try to leave with them. EWWWW!
9) Don't come in for something related to your pregnancy and then steal the fetal heart monitor that we used to hear your baby's heartbeat.
10) Don't tie up your dog at the emergency entrance and then come in to be seen.

1 comment:

Dr Killpatient said...

I like the opportunistic theiving attempt. You may as well steal some shit while waiting for your girlfriend to have her therapeutic 1st trimester U/S.