Thursday, June 02, 2011

fun with emergency room math

Math. Does anybody really like it but math geeks? You have to have a certain amount of math to get into nursing school and become something like a licensed practical nurse. I wonder if you still learn the apothecary sytem...anyway we don't use much math in nursing anymore because they don't trust us to do the math, literally. Machines do it for us nowadays. In ER there is a special kind of math that we all get to know involving equations. Let me demonstrate:

1)Xanax + ETOH + Lexus +75 mph = airborne driver + multiple fractures
2)Tractors + old men = Death
3)ATVs + young men = Death
4)Bicycles + riders - helmets + cars = Death
5)300 lb old women with UTI + old man with hematuria + anybody with back pain + young woman with abdominal pain = crazy nurse
6)Mean drunk + anybody on meth + overdose needing lavage + anybody constipated = suicidal nurse
7) Unwashed feet + alcohol and cigarettes smell + GI bleed smell = sick nurse
8) Fibromyalgic + migraineur + helicopter relative or friend = nurse running out of ER