Saturday, August 20, 2011

I live for this shit

According to management we are supposed to have a smile on our face and act very enthusiastic about your constipation, withdrawal from meth, drunken stupor, chronic back pain. I need to show you that I love my job and it is my mission in life to serve you. Otherwise you might consider me "rude or short". You might make a complaint.

If I don't seem engaged its because I am fucking tired. Okay? I have been running around this ER for 12 fucking hours. Did I mention that we are down a nurse and that the hospital is full with no beds? Oh....thats right...I'm being rude, I'm not showing my enthusiasm.

I just cleaned up grandma who has been lying in her own excrement for the past day because no one checked on her. Drunk Jerry just peed all over himself. Suicidal Susie is getting out of control because she has been waiting for hours for a nonexistent psych bed. She is heading toward restraints. Oh but let me put back on my shit eating grin. I love my job and I want you to know it.

You are the center of my universe with your stubbed toe. I will buddy tape the shit out of that sucker and I will give you a toothy grin while I do it and say what a very nice patient you are while you whine about needing pain medication.

I want you to know that I would volunteer for this shit if I didn't get paid. I live to serve humanity.


Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

I want to tell you that on those very very rare occasions that I need the ER, I have been treated so well by the staff, nurses especially, that i have decided that they are the kindest people in the entire hospital. I know you deal with so much Crap that it must seem that all civilians are jerks, but we’re not.

Anonymous said...
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hoodnurse said...

If I saw someone walking around with a bedpan smiling, I would assume they were either slow or skimming off the top of the narcs of both.

Miss B. Havior said...

You forgot about having to thank your patients at the end of their stay.
"Thank you for choosing Hell Hospital today, I really enjoyed bonding with you Drunk Jerry and I look forward to your next visit later this month. I hope I get you as my patient again!"

Karyn said...

Oh girlfriend I have lived everything you describe! Thats why I left the ED for flight, put em down, drop em off- and all with a smile on my face!

Anonymous said...

Would it help at all if I said that I sincerely feel your pain? Now I only have to nice to nursing students, but the obnoxious ones usually flunk out and thin the herd. I would be wearing a blue vest at Wally World before I could stand to do what you do (so well...thanks) again....even I wasn't too old and broken down to work a 12 hours shift on my feet. From your are taking the heat for all of us. We really appreciate you being there, especially when we and ours need you so badly!

Pattie, RN

Anonymous said...

Well, you can say goodbye to your "Mission Spirit Award." What about the "Press Ganey" patient satisfaction score? Obviouly you didn't pay attention while reading the "Comfort Theory" during nursing school. Now, be a good little nurse, put that GD smile on, or you're fired!

Anonymous said...

this post made me crack up-out loud! although comical, I really do love my job.
-peds er nurse

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