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Thursday, December 26, 2013

a Madness Christmas Eve

So I worked Christmas Eve.  I hadn't worked it in years.  I don't have to work holidays anymore because I have been a nurse since time began.  I did it for the money.  Yes, its true, it wasn't out of a need to soothe fevered brows at Christmas. I make triple time on Christmas.  Its all about the benjamins. I worked an evening shift.

Now, naive me, I thought it would be slow because, really, who is out on Christmas Eve? Everybody is all nestled snug in their beds and shit, right?  Waiting for the arrival of the Big Guy. Wrong. It was no different than any other night.We had the usual fun patients.Here's an ode to one of my favorites...

Join me kiddees as we sing that old favorite: "Sally the Crackhead Prostitute" (to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer):

There were neck pains and chest pains, and headaches and finger lacs,
earaches and sore throats, and  calf pain and people with sore backs,
But do you recall, the most irritating patient of them all?

Sally the crackhead prostitute,
Had a very bad tooth pain
And if she didn't leave soon
We would all go insane.

All of the other patients,
tired of all of Sallys screams
knew that this ER visit
would cause them to have bad dreams

Then about eleven twenty three
The Er doc came to say
Sally with your silly antics
you won't get any narcs from me
Then all the ER staff loved him
they had to take no more
Sally the crackhead prostitute
get your ass out the door!



1 comment:

Holiday Nursing Shifts said...

Sally the Crackhead Prostitute! Oh my goodness, this shouldn't have made me laugh so hard, but it did. Have you ever thought about putting out an entire Christmas album? I'd love to hear your take on "Silent Night" and "Deck the Halls..."

The night that always seemed to bring out the crazies was the night before Thanksgiving. A ton of drunk driving accidents, college kids home from school, shelters being closed... I always found that to be a difficult night.