Welcome to hood hospital. Allow our valet to park your car. Here is a member of the administration to direct you to your destination as you enter the door to our feng shui appointed lobby. Notice our lobby resembles a hotel with its muted tones, player piano, large wall fountain, some kind of large lighted rock thingy.
Up the stairs to your right you will find a coffee shop with lattes, mochas or a light snack for your convenience and enjoyment. A little more hungry than that? Let me show you to the 23 hour unhealthy fast food restaurant premises. There you can mix with the colorful locals.
Need toiletries? Our gift shop will provide what you need along with books, magazines, flowers and assorted doodads.
Don't forget to step outside to our "healing garden". There you will find benches, tables, a waterfall with streaml and beautiiful trees and flowers to soothe your stresses away.
Here for a heart problem? Step into our state of the art heart hospital with individually appointed rooms with tv with cable (of course), wood flooring and pull out couch for family members to spend the night. Each floor has a well appointed lobby with fireplace, some with balconies.
Hungry? Order directly from our "room service menu? between the hours of 6am and 6 pm.
Feeling particularly stressed? The nurse can put you in touch with the "rich person who wanted their name on something integrated holistic healing centerr", all part of our services here at hood hospital. Employees will be happy to give you a massage, provide aromatherapy and music therapy and even accupuncture. We also have "energy healing including Reiki and healing touch".
There is a convenient hotel down the street for your guests and family and there is a shuttle to take you there. You don't want to walk through the hood after all...
By the way, avoid walking in the area surrounding the hospital. Your safety may be compromised as you note the neighborhood is home to the street gangs and various hoodlums. Never fear, we have crack security staff that patrols in cars, on bikes, in golf cars, on foot, equipped with tasers and batons to protect you and your loved ones. We have a "they ain't gettin' in here" philosophy when it comes to our neighbors.
Yes we can meet all your needs here at hood hospitals, and by the way we also provide medical care...