Monday, November 07, 2011

the tale of esmeralda and edward

Once upon a midnight dreary there was a not so fair maiden named Esmerelda who lived under a bridge. Only she wasn't a troll, and she didn't collect money so you could cross the bridge. It seemed that Esmerelda like to imbibe in local libations a little too much. So she ended up making her home under the bridge. Alas, no one would take her in anymore, not even her family.

Esmerelda had a beau, Edward, who like Esmerelda, was often in his cups. So the two joined lives and lived under the bridge. Everyday they took to the streets of their fair city, stationing themselves at various locations in order to beg for money from the local populace. Once they had a few coins, off they would go to the local tavern to imbibe in the grog.

Well it seems Esmerelda and Edward often didn't get along, especially after they left the tavern and staggered back to the bridge. Sometimes they took a grog to go and Edward would take Esmereldas grog and drink it himself, upsetting Esmerelda to no end. Well, one day Esmerelda had had enough of Edward. He had taken her grog one too many times. She went to a local stable and asked the stable boy to call a healer, telling him that she needed attention. While waiting for the healer, Edward happened along and began arguing with Esmerelda. When he arrived, the healer had to separate the two with the help of the stable boy. Esmerelda told the healer that, alas, she had chest pain and needed attention. The healer, knowing Esmerelda from past encounters, cast a suspicious eye in her direction. He believed her not. Much to his exasperation, he had no choice but to take Esmerelda on his horse to his home where he kept the magic beans that everybody sought. He had been employed by the local townspeople to heal any ailments they may have and dole out the magic beans. So off they went, the healer and Esmerelda, riding the short distance to his humble abode.

As usual when he arrived, there was a line of the townsfolk waiting to see him, moaning and groaning. They had come for the magic beans, as they did everyday. With a weary sigh, the healer took Esmerelda into the house, knowing she was wasting his time, for he knew there was nothing amiss with this less than fair lass. In fact as soon as he came in the door, he sent his assistant down the lane to inquire of madame Grenalda whether she had room for Esmerelda. Madame Grenalda, also employed by the townspeople, ran a local flop house where the locals could sleep off their overindulgence of the grog. Luckily, Grenalda, bless her heart, had space. After looking Esmerelda over, wasting his valueable time, he bade the assistant to get the wheelbarrel and cart Esmerelda down to Grenaldas. Off they went.

Grenalda, seeing who it was, nodded at Esmerelda saying, "Back so soon my lass? And without your beau today I see". "I am through with that cad! said a now fuming Esmerelda. "If I had a door he would not be gracin' it again!" Grenalda, rolled her eyes, having heard it all before....She told the assistant to take Esmerelda across the room and put her on the pile of rags to sleep it off. Esmerelda quickly fell asleep. A few hours later, she walked out of Grenaldas, feeling a bit jittery knowing she needed to secure a few coins for the grog before the jitters grew worse. In the distance, there was Edward, in his usual spot trying to secure a handout. With a sigh of resignation, Esmerelda walked down the lane to join him.


Anonymous said...

With a weary sigh, the healer took Esmerelda into the house, knowing she was wasting his time, for he knew there was nothing amiss with this less than fair lass.

There is everything amiss with a homeless drunk. Unfortunately, it can't be fixed in an emergency room.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your posts! They are enjoyed!

Anonymous said...

Looks like Esmerelda might have had an assplosion on Edward's face. Either that or he likes muff diving on her not so clean derriere.

Anonymous said...

That sounds like my nasty ex and his current woman. Except for him, it's shooting up "bath salts." *shudders* you can see why I left.